


Post Break-Up Kiss

by PhoenixofFire177



Series: Types of Kisses [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Amanda Is A Good Friend, Barba is an ass, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Some Domestic Violence, Some angst, Sonny is too pure™, a shit ton of guilt, also break-up scenes, barba didnt mean it, but probably should, look guys i just needed an excuse to break them up, no one gets reported, not an excuse but hes still sorry, oh im sorry i meant a fuck ton, one (1) kiss, thats all this was, theres all the angst, theres drinking and cursing too, unexplained motive, who am I kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 06:14:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11269644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixofFire177/pseuds/PhoenixofFire177
Summary: The kiss that catches both of you off guard but says "I miss you", "I'm sorry", and "Please love me again" all at once without any words being spoken.





	Post Break-Up Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> hello yes svu fandom? im sorry for this angst. i know y'all have a lot but yknow... you needed this.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss their situation. 

It was comforting, warm, and above all, safe. But it wasn’t what he needed. They could never have been happy together; he knew that now. 

Of course, that was only through looking through scotch tinged glasses in a sleazy dive bar outside their home. No, his home. How could he forget? 

The entire night was his fault after all. It wasn’t as if he entered their home intending to cause a fight and unravel a six month relationship over a silly argument. But accidents happen and here he was. Alone. 

Isn’t it wonderful how circumstances shift? Just a few short hours ago, he had the love of his wretched life standing in front of him, content. Sonny had been so eager, so willing. Those blue eyes had nothing but undying devotion and trust in them and he ruined it. He touched that perfect image and fucking soiled it. He watched those eyes become pools of shattered ice, little rivulets of broken diamonds leaking from the corners. Of course, his love would deny it. If there was one thing Rafael had taught him over the course of their relationship, it was to always save face, even in front of those you love. 

Funny how that backfired. 

His detective wiped the evidence away casually, like he was trying to be discreet. He knew otherwise. Spending so much time together meant he knew the quirks Sonny used when he was especially upset. God, how he wished he could have taken it back. But instead, he opened his damn mouth and made it worse. 

“Oh stop crying, I hardly touched you. Honestly Dominick, if this is how you act on the job, no wonder you’ve had to transfer so often.” 

He knew it was stupid. He knew damn well that was a sore spot and a line he swore he’d never cross but it was just so hard to stop. So much bottled up anger came flooding out, none of it having anything to do with the young man now backing away from him. 

Once that first strike had landed, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop. Instead he just kept going and going, waiting for either a new wince or a pretty pink mark to blossom on Sonny’s cheek. 

He wasn’t at all surprised when Sonny called Rollins later that night. She was his confidant for weeks; Rafael wasn’t stupid. He heard the late night calls, the lazy afternoon Skype sessions. However, he was fairly shocked when Sonny packed his things and left. 

There was no warning, no ‘we’ll talk about this later’. He was just… gone. 

He was gone and the entire apartment felt empty. 

So here he was, drinking at some bar at 3 A.M. because he finally snapped and harmed his boyfriend. What kind of sick bastard was he? 

Sonny was most likely in pain and suffering and here he was drinking his guilt away. It wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t fair to Sonny, who opened his heart to a grouchy prosecutor with insecurity issues. It wasn’t fair to Rollins, who probably had to open her home to her injured co-worker because his partner lost it and hit him. It wasn’t fair to Sonny’s family, who trusted him with this beautiful creature enough to give their blessing on the relationship. It certainly wasn’t fucking fair to himself to not take action. 

Rising from the bar stool, Rafael swore he’d right this, even if it meant breaking up or reporting himself to Liv. Somehow, he’d fix this mess. Just not tonight. 

He was a fucking coward. 

 

They avoided each other for a weeks after that night. Sonny didn’t so much as look at him, even while dropping off evidence. Rafael briefly considered letting them just drag on like this; not even interacting but still together. He was just too damn selfish to do anything else. 

He found out from Olivia that Sonny moved in with Amanda until he could find his own place. Something in him died once the reality of that statement set in. He was really leaving. Rafael officially lived alone again. 

On his way out, Amanda shot him a glare. Sonny had walked out ahead of her, face yellowing from the bruises Rafael had put there. Somehow, that one locking of eyes communicated more than anything else. 

This was real and it was not going away. 

After two months of silence, Sonny finally asked to meet. Rafael would be lying if he didn’t admit that the prospect left him feeling hopeful. Maybe they could fix this. Maybe their love would be enough to get through this. Maybe. 

Sonny waved to him from across the park looking like an angel. The November air carried a chill, causing his exhaled breath to wreath around his head as a halo. Those pretty blue eyes didn’t leave him once, lit with some sort of dimmed glow. It sent waves of love crashing through him and he found himself hoping. They’d be okay. They’d talk and work this out and then everything would be back to normal. 

The rational voice inside his mind didn’t have the heart to say otherwise. Or maybe he just didn’t want to hear it. 

He approached his love and offered what he hoped to be a comforting smile. 

“You asked to see me, cariño?” 

Sonny smiled back hesitantly and suddenly became very interested in the scattering of leaves coating the path.

“Yeah, uh… Rafi, I think we should… I think we should stop this. Call it quits.” 

The hope Rafael had plummeted to the bottom of his feet and promptly stabbed itself repeatedly. Sonny didn’t want to fix this. He didn’t want their love, their home, or anything else. He wanted out. Misery flooded in to take hope’s place and Rafael could have sworn the Earth stopped rotating. He didn’t know what to say.

Actually, he did. 

“But… I love you.” 

Immediately after the words left his mouth, he was struck with the cruelty of the situation on his part. This was the first time he’d ever told Sonny he loved him. As he stared helplessly at the only good thing in his life, he once again saw tears well up in those beautiful eyes. 

He reached out to wipe them away and Sonny leaned into his touch. Fuck it. 

“Okay…” He whispered and stroked Sonny’s cheek lovingly. “If that’s what you want, we can do that. Just… one last thing.” 

He pressed his lips roughly against the detective’s for the last time. Sonny kissed back almost instantaneously and once again, Rafael felt like screaming. Their lips fit perfectly together and they were going to lose this forever. 

He had to remind himself it was because he violated Sonny’s trust and that this was for the best. It may hurt him but this was his fault. He hurt Sonny worse and this was only fair. 

Instead of grieving, he resolved himself to put every emotion he felt into the kiss. 

Love. 

Guilt.

Misery.

Remorse. 

It said ‘I’ll miss you’ and ‘I’ll always love you’ at the same time and left them both reeling. They looked at each other and laughed. Both had placed the same confusing jumble of feelings into their final interaction. 

“So uh… see you at work, councilor?” 

Sonny broke the silence, lips swollen and eyes glassy. Rafael could only bring himself to nod. The detective returned the gesture and turned his back on him. As the only person Rafael had ever hated to lose walked away, he whispered one final thing into the cool autumn breeze. 

“I’m so sorry, Sonny.”


End file.
